Divorce Recovery:How to get over the cheater. Part 2

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This is part 2 of Divorce Recovery: How to get over the Cheater. Yesterday I sent out by mistake, an unfinished version of Part 1. Sorry guys, I’m always hitting the wrong buttons. One day I might become proficient at all this, techy stuff. I’ve republished Divorce Recovery:How to get over the cheater. Part 1. If you haven’t received it in your inbox then here is the link. http://wp.me/p2hPtN-5k

 Before any of my Male followers decide to ‘unfollow’ me, I want to make it clear that I counsel men as well as women. I’m not a feminist, I myself have been divorced, but although my ex was not perfect, neither was I. Takes two to tango right? I hope that I write my blog coming from an impartial place. Although in some cases I’m talking about the male gender, ‘the bad guy’ women may present similar behaviour and character traits in every scenario. No issue is totally gender inclusive. Men and women just think differently, and work through their issues differently. I’m sure everyone has at least heard of the book: Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. By Author John Gray Ph.D  Click on the link to take you to the page for all of  John Gray’s books. Also take a look inside: Mars and Venus Together Forever.

Ladies! Don’t give up hope of meeting your ‘soul mate.’ Just because your ex left you feeling lost & hopeless. There are some great guys out there, who have been dumped for exactly the same reasons that are given in, Divorce Recovery:How to get over the cheater. Part 1. There are support groups for divorced guys on the internet, who are loving, caring, loyal, honest, trustworthy, and dedicated Fathers. I know I meet them myself through my work.

Divorce Recovery: How to get over the Cheater. Part 2

I’ll explain where these guys are really coming from. All three of the men used the following words. The first word EGO. This is a BIGGY! We all have an ego, some people more than others. The term is mistakenly associated more with men than women. I’ll try to simplify it’s meaning as best that I can. The Ego is made up of three parts.

The Ego, the mediator of good and evil!

1. Id

• From the Latin & Greek word I. Meaning self.
• There is the Id, ego, super-ego, making up the psychic apparatus. (Structural Model)
• These components are only part of the mind, not the structural part of the brain.
• The Id is the only part of the EGO that we are born with.
• Id is the unorganised part of the ego structure, that works only from instinct. The source of our bodily needs, wants, desires, impulses, sexual & aggressive drive/desires.
• Hence the Id operates the pleasure principle, the instant gratification impulse, seeking to avoid pain and is stimulated & aroused under instinctual tension.

2.   Ego (Often referred to as Pride)

• Works on the reality principle
• Ego seeks to please the Id’s subconscious drive.
• On the other hand the ego will try to hide the desires of the Id and try to bring it in line with reality.
• Ego represents the reality in ways of concious awareness of the Id, although not all functions of the ego are totally concious.
• Ego is defensive, intellectually- cognitive, adjusts our thinking to the reality around us. Using tolerance, planning, information, intellectual functioning and memory.
• Ego represents reason & common sense to protect the Id’s unconscious passion.
• Ego is in simple terms a defence mechanism, to cover our instinctual Id that wants only self gratification.
• Ego is a learned mechanism to protect our selves. e.g a kid might tell one lie after the other. Why? Because if he didn’t tell lies he would probably get beaten, by an abusive parent, for perhaps just taking a biscuit without permission. Self-protection of Id and physical protection.
• Ego is the mediator between the Id and the Super-ego.

3.  Super-Ego

• Representation of cultural rules.
• Representation of parents, teachers, role-models
• The Super-ego aims for perfection. Based on ego ideals, conscience, spiritual goals, that criticizes & prohibits our fantasies, the Id’s drives, feelings and actions.
• The super-ego may be thought of as the policeman of the conscience, punishing us, hence feelings of guilt. I tend to think of guilt as turned in anger. (same thing)
• Helps us to fit into society in a socially acceptable way, controls our sense of right and wrong and guilt.

In my next post: Divorce Recovery: How to get over the cheater. Part 3. I’ll discuss the words love & sex and take a look at how these are connected to our EGO.

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