Interesting How We Punctuate our Thoughts.

Does the sentence above mean that all the female students in the class were feminists?

Does the sentence above mean that all the male students were chauvinists?

How much does it depend on our state of mind as to how we view situations?

Does this feeling of superiority of the sexes continue on into our marriages to be the very downfall of the marriage?

When I was a student in the late swinging sixties, my answer would have conformed with the rest of the women students. After all, we had become liberated women. The world was at our feet, so far as men allowed us to be, in those days!

Today women have taken leading roles in the world. We’re able to work side-by- side with our male counterparts as scientists, politicians, doctors, lawyers, soldiers, and women even fly F15 airplanes in combat (at least in my country they do).

Women nowadays are respected for what they can do but are they respected for who they are? If not, why not?

Do women really respect men for who they are? If not, why not?

Today in a world of lesbian or gay marriages  the obvious answer for needing the opposite sex is for reproduction only and the couple can find a fulfilling relationship with each other. Now with artificial insemination and surrogates these couples can reproduce children too. Many of these same-sex marriages work,  even tho’ they may bring their own particular problems and some of them fail as in many ‘normal’ marriages.

Most of us are not gay or lesbian and so we search for the opposite sex, fall in love and conform to marriage for the security of the children we instinctively desire.

We think we’re going to live happily ever after and life will be wonderful. Then comes the crash of  divorce. Disaster has struck! I make this statement as if it’s going to be fact because the statistics show that in 2011 49% of marriages failed in the USA. There are less or more divorces around the world depending on religious beliefs, economic, and educational circumstances.

I’m faced with tearful men and women asking the age-old question of what went wrong.  “After all we’re two intelligent people, my wife/husband is a good mother/father, how have we  come to this?”  Yes we can have great careers, we can be successful financially, we are wonderful parents,  but are we successful in who we are ? If we don’t know who we really are then how do we know what we need in another?

It doesn’t matter whether you’re contemplating divorce,  separated, or divorced and have to face life alone bringing up your kids or sharing custody with your ex, relationships still continue in every way.

We were all created with our natural instincts, gifts, and talents. We don’t live in the dark ages any more where the cavemen would drag his wife around by her hair and the woman was dependent on him for her very livelihood. But our female instincts still remain for wanting to be  loved and cared for. The man’s instincts tell him he needs to provide as the head of his household.

As intelligent people we realize in this day and age that our roles are not so clear-cut.  On the other hand, we are usually wanting to be  in an honest, open, sexual relationship, sharing and caring, enjoying fun times together, or wanting someone there during not-so-fun times.

It’s been my experience as I’ve come through my own divorce  that the more I know myself  my relationships have improved, especially with the opposite sex, friends, and my children. My relationship with my kids was the most important as I’ve become a role model for them, being emotionally loving, supportive, honest, and open and helping them to make their own decisions. 

This can only be done by looking at ourselves!  Life, marriage, relationships, and kids are far more existential than what we do. We’re human beings not human doings!

Yes we can have great careers, be successful financially, be wonderful parents,  but are we successful in who we are ?  Do we respect ourselves?

This is a list of questions to start asking yourself. The first one I found the hardest because I like to run away from reality and I knew that unless I faced the dark truth of my reality, I would be stuck with all my baggage of resentments and I didn’t want to be carrying that into any future relationships.

 Some of the following questions are difficult to answer.  I strongly suggest to anyone who is contemplating divorce or have come through the  divorce court doors, to find the right support. This can be through a support group, religious counseling, or divorce recovery counseling/coaching. It’s also important to have supportive friends, too. However, please remember they will tire of your stories long before you get tired of telling them.

All of the feelings that you have now are normal and please don’t feel that you are weak because you need help. Divorce is one of the most traumatic times in a person’s life next to the death of a loved one. Here are the difficult questions:

Am I:

  • Being honest with myself?
  • In denial?
  • Accepting reality?
  • Being egocentric and self-centered?
  • Being fearful? If so – of what?
  • Feeling intimidated?
  • Feeling jealous?
  • Being judgmental?
  • Accepting?
  • Controlling?
  • Able to receive love?
  • Trusting in myself? ( If not then how can you trust another?)
  • Still carrying the sentence “A woman without her man is nothing

In reality we have to discern who we are to know how to punctuate this sentence…..I think both ways are true!


About Tovah

Certified Substance Abuse and Addictions Professional, (CASAP) Although retired I still do voluntary work in my profession. For many years I've been a natural health enthusiast, using natural remedies and eating healthy natural organic food. I'd like to share some of my experiences about growing Organic Vegetables in small spaces, indoors and out.
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2 Responses to Interesting How We Punctuate our Thoughts.

  1. Donald Miller says:

    All the females in that class are far better writers than me, because I wouldn’t have thought to use that punctuation–and I consider myself decently good at it.

  2. Donald most men wouldn’t think to use the “female’ punctuation, I’m not sure that writing competence has anything to do with it. This sentence comes from a very subjective place. It is very interesting how in everyday life we punctuate what we hear according to who we are and where we are within ourselves – hence, sometimes difficult communication within marriages and relationships. Thank you for stopping by my blog. Tovah

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