Welcome to part 3 of this series Divorce Recovery:How To Get Over The Cheater: Love and Sex.
In my last post, Divorce Recovery: How to get over the cheater. Part 2 I explained the effects and the different parts of the ego. The three excuses that were made by men, for wanting to leave their wives, Divorce Recovery:How to get over the cheater. Part 1 used the words ego, love, sex. Today we’re looking at what love and sex really are and what they mean.
In the caption here on the left, I believe that this phrase may be true in many minds. Let’s analyse further…Divorce Recovery: How To Get Over The Cheater Love and Sex. Part 3.
- What is Love?
- Just as a matter of interest, even Wikipedia doesn’t have an explanation… Hmmmm!
- The Oxford and Webster’s dictionary does give a definition, but again I felt that the definitions were bordering too much on the infatuation, not love.
- It’s been my experience that when a person is asked what love is, the reply might be something like this…
- “love is that feeling you get when you meet the right person” (Infatuation)
- This is how most people approach a relationship!
- Consciously or unconsciously, they believe that love is based on a physical or emotional attraction. Magically and spontaneously they fall ‘in love’ when they think that Miss or Mr right has stepped into their lives. (Chemistry)
- Just as easily, this kind of ‘love’ can degenerate, when the magic has disappeared, and they can fall out of love, just as quickly as they fell in love.
- Again this kind of ‘falling in love’ is an illusion.
- Erich Fromm a notable psychologist and philosopher, says the keyword here is passivity. Author of “The Art of Loving” explains the sad consequence of this misconception.
- I feel that Erich must be quite right here, because couples are getting divorced today, after shorter and shorter time together. (BTW his book was written in 1956) The world has changed plenty since then, but the true meaning of love has not. If it had, we wouldn’t be seeing so many divorces in 2013.
- Men who dump their wives for another woman, seem to fall into this category, because I feel that they have recaptured those old feelings, with the other woman, that he once had with his wife. (Infatuation)
- In other words this explanation of love is really just an illusion.
- The Art of Loving By Erich Fromm
- Real love is: Appreciating the others goodness. Is that a surprise to you?
- Statistics from ‘long term relationships’ say exactly that.
- People in love and stay in love will say the following…
- My husband/wife is honest, caring, affectionate, respectful, loyal, has such good ethics and morals.
- Intelligence, physical attractiveness, talented, and an engaging personality, count for something, but that is not the core of what really attracts us to the other. That’s if we are looking for real lasting love that takes couples to – till death do us part.
- If love comes from appreciating the ‘goodness’ in the other, then we will only see the giving of another, if we are truly giving ourselves.
- Giving leads to love.
- I have a little saying that I want to add here. A gift is only a gift when it is received.
- If you’re not capable of receiving, you will never receive the gifts of love.
- Ask yourself: Am I a giver or a taker. If you can’t receive you are a taker. To receive means to give pleasure for the other. Think about that one!
- Love is a choice that can be actively chosen. We have choices about most things.
- Love starts with YOU. Ask yourself: “do I really love myself “
- If you see your own goodness it’s easier to see it in others. (Everybody has some goodness)
- If you feel that you can’t love yourself: Click here: Are You respected as a woman – self esteem.
3. SEX: Lust or Love? That is the question!
- Obviously without sex the world would be desolate.
- Sexual reproduction is a natural state for every living creature.
- Sex in and of itself, comes from the Id, (the instinctual part of the ego) in humans.
- Sex can become out of control, and used abusively, again from the base instinct of the Id (Instinctive Ego) that is over stimulated, and the ego and super-ego are not sophisticated or mature enough to control the Id.
- This type of sex is usually termed as Lust not love. Many will say that sex is love. I could write a whole series of blogs about this complicated subject! Does that mean that if a man has sex with a prostitute that he loves her? I think not!
- Anyone who has not defined the true word of love in themselves will forever have the Id (Instinctual ego) controlling their sexual drive. The Id being instinctual and always craving instant gratification. (Lust)
- Sex in a loving relationship is a mutual giving and expression of the love between two people in love. Here the three parts of the ego are in tune. (Love)
- As for the photo at the beginning of this page? I personally think it’s hogwash!
- How can a real love relationship, as we have learned it to be coming from goodness, have tension??
All of these blogs might not seem to give you a straight answer, which you may have been expecting. But to be honest with you I could write a book about what I want to tell you. I am merely trying to bring out ideas to help you to see a different point of view. What I suggest is that you take each section and really look at it from the point of view of YOU! In the end we can’t control anyone else or their actions. My teachings under any circumstance, about relationships, is always about YOU.
Addiction Counselling: Courage to Change – Tovah
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